38 Weeks

Nine. And. A. Half. Months. Pregnant.

*phew*

This week I was actually getting tired of being pregnant. I may have stated before that I don't understand why anyone would schedule their baby to come out early out of convenience or any other reason besides health (and I still don't personally agree with the practice), but I can kind of understand where expectant moms are from when they're so uncomfortable they beg the doctor to get the baby out. I'm not terribly uncomfortable (she hasn't been on my sciatic nerve lately) but being pregnant is sooooo tiring now. At first it was my body getting used to having to grow and contain another human. Then it was just HOT outside. Now, she MOVES and I need a nap. Ok, it's not quite that bad, but with the heat I seriously need 3-5 naps a day. Oh well, she will be in our arms soon enough!

This week we went to the doctor I don't trust first. This experience was a lot better (and thank GOD I didn't have to pay a copay...I think I would have found a table and flipped it because I kind of feel like I'm being used for money) but still not that great. They did NO measurements. Maybe that's how its supposed to go, but I guess I figured that when you say you're concerned about the growth of the baby, and you want to monitor said growth, that you actually, you know, would monitor it. Whatever. They say they will measure next week and this week was to make sure she was still healthy and moving and whatnot. I could have given them a phone call for that...Chloe has moved more and more since they doubted her health. The ultrasound tech did say she was taking practice breaths, so I suppose that was exciting. Then she said she'd see me next week and left them room. With me on the table. With the leg part still sticking out (you know, the extender thing you rest your legs on that they *usually* push back in for you so you can effectively get down). I wipe myself off and kind of turtle rock to get off the table, pissed. At MY doctor, we found out that no matter what, I will be a new mother by the due date, September 9th. Since we're having these "issues" they want to go ahead and make sure she's here on her due date and if she doesn't alarm them at next week's ultrasound we'll set up an induction and I go to the hospital the evening before to get it all started. I asked what my mobility would be while induced and got the answer I expected, but really didn't want to hear. I'd end up stuck in the bed. *sigh* This little girl needs to go ahead and decide to come out. I really don't want to go through all of that; the chances of needing a c-section are increased as well, which I REALLY don't want. Again, I'll do whatever to make sure she's healthy...I just can't see how pumping me full of drugs is healthy for her. I understand though, if getting her out is and that's the only way. Fine. (Stupid, responsible, parental decisions. Grr.)

Growth problems my left buttcheek. She's DEFINITELY
gotten bigger...

This week for Chloe:

• She is pretty much ready to come out! I'm relating this time to when you would take cookies out of the oven if you wanted them fully cooked but still soft, lol. 
• Still shedding the hair and gross cheesy-like stuff and is producing surfactant, which will keep her air sacs from sticking together when she starts to breath

Had my third baby shower Friday (hence the late post). I feel so blessed and loved and like I am a very special person to a lot of other people...there is peace and comfort and all kinds of warm fuzzy from that feeling. I'm so happy the people in my life are so supportive and awesome and that they will be in her life too. The only person I wish was here and can't be is my mom. I know she's here in spirit, literally, but its not the same. The awesome part, even though she can never be replaced to me, is that I have loving and supportive and awesome new family members who remind me of her in the best ways. I can talk to them and feel like I'm talking to her. It's awesome. I can't wait to meet this little girl!

37 Weeks ~ The Full Term Chloe

This week was brought to us by DISCREPANCY. I tweeted a few details of what was going on, but lemme break it down a little more.

To catch everyone up on my backstory, and why I feel the way I do about our healthcare system, let me explain a couple of things:

1. I have had a few doctors who decided to things that were completely unnecessary to me -- for money. I had an OB/GYN when I was in high school who gave me a pap smear EVERY time I set foot in her office. I set foot in her office 4 times a year, so I could get a Depo-Provera (birth control) shot. Now, you generally only get a Pap test ONCE a year or even once every five years, but this heffa decided to make some extra money off of medicaid. Why do I think this? Because NOT ONCE was the test abnormal, which would prompt you to perform another one so soon. Unless she wasn't telling me something. Either way, I didn't trust her for that.
2. My mom went to the pharmacy once to pick up a prescription. Thank God she'd been studying to be a Dental Hygienist and had taken a class where they learned all of the prefixes of things and what parts of the body they correlated to, because when she got the medicine she noticed something wrong with the prefix on it. The medicine was supposed to go in her eye, but the prefix correlated to the ear. She took it back in and asked the pharmacist if it was right, and they quickly gave her the right medicine and told her they were glad she caught it because she could have damaged her eyes with it.
3. The whole cancer thing with my mom. Not only the fact that she'd been going to the same hospital since we moved to Atlanta in 1995 and they didn't catch it until it was waaaaaay too late, but even after they had her scheduled to have things (LIKE SURGERY) done when it wasn't even needed. W.T.F.

Now, with those few things I've witnessed/been through, I'm still not saying the US doesn't offer some of the best healthcare in the world. I'm sure we do. The thing is, it's run by people, and people make mistakes or sometimes have other agendas. What I'm saying is WE HAVE TO BE CAREFUL. If you feel an instinct to ask a question, ASK IT. If something isn't adding up to you, MAKE SURE IT DOES. I'm a fond believer that my body is pretty well equipped with everything it needs to run smoothly as long as I'm taking care of it, so I need to know why someone wants to give me medicine or surgery or anything that otherwise disrupts it from doing its job. If there is a logical explanation, fine, go ahead, but don't piss on me and call it rain, and expect me not to smell it and punch you in the face when I figure out the truth. 

So, I had to go to a different office this week to have an ultrasound. Something about how insurance companies weren't paying for in-office ultrasounds or something. We get there, I fill out the paperwork, and have the ultrasound. It shows that Chloe is about 5 pounds and 3 ounces, which is behind schedule for now. The ultrasound tech has me wait with the jelly still intact in case the doctor wants to have a look and goes to get the doctor. I lay there for almost an hour and we finally find out that we're waiting for records. Ok.  Not sure why, but ok. I'm not happy about the fact that I had to lay there, uncomfortable, for so long, but ok. We go talk to the doctor and she runs down everything they checked for. There was no indication that Chloe has Down's Syndrome. There was no indication that the placenta or umbilical cord weren't working correctly. There was no indication that she wasn't getting enough oxygen, or that the amniotic fluid levels were low. All signs, according to this doctor, were pointing to Chloe just being genetically small. Fine. 

And that typically they induce labor at 39 weeks because at that point it would be better to have her out than in. Um. 

I had a feeling she left off some information, and I very well could (and maybe should) have asked her to explain it more right then and there, but I was hungry, irritated, and I wanted to get as far away from her as possible because I did not know her and she wanted to force my baby out of me. Ok, that was a little dramatic, but pretty much how I felt. The Husband and I waited to have our appointment today before we got to the real questions, because we wanted to ask the people we were more familiar with. We asked my doctor what she thought about it and she did her heart rate and measuring tests and was happy with the results (still small but good, step one in the right direction) and she promptly went and had the office staff call the other doctor's office 3 times to get the information faxed over, and as quickly as possible (step two in the right direction). She came back in and let us know that what we said was NOT what the other doctor put in her report, and that she was concerned there was a growth problem. That heffa never uttered the words growth problem. Well, she did, but she connected in with the placenta or umbilical cord not working properly, but then told us that WASN'T the case. So here we are, the new crazy little parents-to-be, up against a written report by a doctor...and of course my doctor kind of brushes it off like maybe she said it and we just didn't hear it. *sigh*

Either way, I'm very happy to report that its not set in stone that there will be an induction and that we are monitoring Chloe's growth progress to see IF there is a problem. Maybe we were supposed to put small baby and induction together and come to the conclusion on our own, but they told my mom I was small and I came out on my own and perfectly healthy, so I have no history to make an assumption from. Plus, I generally don't like making assumptions. The doctor did say we needed to get an ultrasound every week to watch her progress but really, she never said anything about being concerned that there was a growth problem. Genetically small babies are fine. Growth problems aren't. I understand that entirely, but she never said the latter. Do I want to be induced? No. Will I do it for her? Absolutely. I want the least amounts of drugs possible to get me through this, not only because my body doesn't always respond well to drugs (and I'd really not like to find out if labor is one of those cases) but because it's better for the both of us in most cases, but I will do whatever it takes to have a healthy baby and a healthy me, as long as the reasons why I need it are properly explained to me. There are people who believe natural birth is the only way to go and other who believe that every pregnancy should end with a C-Section. Why can't we just decide for ourselves, unless it's necessary for health reasons to do things differently?

I really need to figure out why my phone uploads
pics with a funky gray line under them...

Ok, finally, this week for Chloe:

• Ideally, she'd be about 6.5 lbs
• Since she's full term she is fully expected to be happy and healthy on the outside if I went into labor right now
• She's in there still practicing for life on the outside
• It's possible for her to have a full head of hair, although, if those heartburn old wives tales are true then there probably wont be that much...I haven't had a single bit of heartburn

Onward, to 2 appointments a week, being informed, and having a healthy Chloe! 

And baby shower number 2 this weekend!!!

36 Weeks...or THE BIG 9 MONTHS

I feel like there should be some kind of background music playing...like the Jaws theme or the "Hai, I'm Darth Vader and a badass" theme or something. I've officially made it to 9 months. I still have a month to go (give or take). *Sigh* Not that its a bad thing to still have a month to go, but I'm going to need this "9 months" lie to stop being perpetuated through society. Who decided that 40 weeks = 9 months??? Somebody left their calculator home that day...

This week was tiredness and the return of the pain. There was pain last week, but it wasn't anything to really write about. This week there are place that are just SORE. Like, the one spot on my upper right abdomen that Chloe aims for as her kicking dummy is tender to the touch. Oh, and dropping even the LIGHTEST thing on a pregnant tummy SUCKS. It also sucks that I'm so much more clumsy now, and I was already kinda clumsy before anyway, so dropping things in exactly the spot I shouldn't drop them happens a lot more. Swelling sucks. Preggo carpal tunnel sucks (and I might invest in a splint soon for it). Preggo sciatica sucks. Coughing sucks. Sneezing sucks. Choking on water going down the wrong pipe...SUCKS (I really thought I might die for a few hours last weekend). But, you know what's not going to suck? Chloe ^_^. Well, besides the fact that she has to literally to get food and whatnot.

Sorry this pic is a bit off...ran out of the house late and
took it at work...that and I don't really look bigger, but
trust, I AM

This week for Chloe:

• She's about 6 pounds and has more than likely reached her birth height already
• Most of her body systems are ready to go...the digestive system really kicks in at her first feeding though
• She's shedding her "baby chick hair" and the waxy stuff that keeps her from coming out a prune (vernix caseosa)

Now, we wait. Next week she will be considered full term, and the doctor said she can come anywhere from today to 6 weeks from now. I have to get an ultrasound next week because she's been measuring small (which I did too so I'm not really worried about it). Apparently, I'm capable of being a skinny bitch even while pregnant. Me: 1, World: 0. Although I like the idea of her fattening up and being as healthy as possible, let's all hope she can still do all of that and get here just a liiiiiiiiiiitttle bit sooner. Like in a week and a half ^_^. 

Baby shower this weekend...YAASSSS!

35 Weeks

Time is winding down. This week was sponsored by: TIREDNESS. I was tired during the first trimester but WOW to what's been happening lately. Summer in GA doesn't play and it's definitely not playing with me!

The doctors appointments are stepping up to once a week...we are getting so close to meeting Chloe! Everything is getting a bit more painful too...instead of not moving as much Super Baby just punches and kicks right into whatever she likes. Ouch. She still isn't keeping me up at night, which is awesome. I have been sleeping a lot lighter in general though, so hopefully I wont be dead to the world when I sleep after she's here like I normally am. People are still warning me about the lack of sleep I'm going to get, and I believe them, but I also went to Georgia Tech and learned to get by on very small amounts of sleep. At least this will be sleeping when she does, where I'll still get sleep in, as opposed to only getting 3-5 hours of sleep a day. I have had no problems in the past falling asleep for bursts of time.

This week for Chloe:

• She's up to 20 inches long and 5.5 pounds
• Her kidneys are fully developed and she can process some waste products
• Her brain is developing more and more
• She's basically sitting around and fattening up, and kicking the mess out of me

I'm starting to understand why people beg their doctors for C-sections after a while. Doesn't mean I want one though...I'm going to try to stick it out and let her debut when she's ready!

Abortion

So, I figured I'd take some time out and talk about something else today. It's an issue I've thought about several times in the past, and no matter how many people are for or against it, once you get pregnant you think about it again, even if it's just to dismiss the idea immediately. After getting mad at a blog I used to read (but stopped because it would make me mad...-_-) I figured I would post my own thoughts about the subject. My opinions in this post do not include cases of rape or otherwise forced sexual contact or anything that involves imminent or possible danger to the mother or child in having the child. I'm strictly referring to cases where two normal, sound-minded, healthy people are faced with a decision to make regarding procreation.

Morals vs. Principles

First off, I actually feel two completely different ways about abortion. My principles tell me that neither I nor anyone else has the right to tell anyone what to do with their own body. There would usually be a little bit more to that statement that says something about "as long as they aren't hurting anyone else in the process" but that's kind of the core of the issue at hand. We've decided to take up arms and define what makes a fetus "someone else" and what doesn't. I, personally, have no clue, scientifically or otherwise. I do know that no matter what we do if a person doesn't want to have a baby for whatever reason, they will find a way to make it happen. I also know that there are SEVERAL cases where people SHOULDN'T be having children and are probably doing more good than harm by terminating the pregnancy. Besides that, if I included the rest of that in my statement, all kinds of things could be included. Who says that getting a piercing or offensive tattoo doesn't hurt someone else? A weird hairstyle? Suicide generally hurts a lot of people, even though I would imagine that most people who go through with it feel otherwise. It's really a sticky subject.

My morals, on the other hand refer to myself more than anything, and have placed me in a position that if I'm willing to do the act that brings forth a child, then I need to be prepared to take care of a child. Period. I'm not saying that I've never thought about going through with it, but I don't know if I could have ever made that decision, and have luckily not been to the point where I had to cross that bridge. People should know who they're sharing themselves with and their stance on things. If you or they don't want kids, you shouldn't even be going there. I know people can change their minds, but at least you attempted to figure out what would happen before it did. I feel that if you don't want children, you shouldn't be doing things that lead to children. Don't have sex. Get a vasectomy or have your tubes tied. Even those aren't always 100% effective, but you have MUCH better chances that way. The only complete way to prevent pregnancy is to not have sex. Period.

Can I say that I've always had this mindset? Nope. Can I say that I would have been able to raise a child if I had gotten pregnant another time in life? Nope. Can I say that I was careful enough to at least believe I was ready to have a child if it had happened? Yep. Sure can. I knew what I was getting into and what could have happened. Having those thoughts definitely kept me from doing things I may or may not have been proud of later in life. I don't like being sick and I definitely went through a super selfish phase and didn't want to be burdened by anyone else's (or my own) mess. If any of those things had happened I'm pretty certain I would have taken care of them though, because those things happen when you swap bodily fluids with other people.

The Point Of It All

Let's be real here. The entire act of sexual intercourse has one purpose and one purpose only. TO REPRODUCE. Sure, there are benefits and there are consequences at times, but that's what sex is for. TO MAKE BABIES. This is where arguing over who has rights and who doesn't in the decision to have an abortion gets asinine to me. Legally, and sometimes unfortunately, the fetus has none. So it's left to the parents, and more often just the mother to decide. It's HER BODY undergoing the process. I'm pretty sure if scientists figure out a way to turn human males into the equivalent of seahorse males, the issue would be null. If I could make my husband a surrogate for our daughter you better believe I would be the 27th person in line for the procedure (I'd have to think about it for a few minutes, lol). Pregnancy is NOT easy, no matter how much some women love it. I don't dislike being pregnant myself...it's just a new and different experience filled with ups and downs and some of those ups and downs are a bit much to handle, especially for a person who lost their mother less than a year ago. I would like to think that everyone who ever had sex would have thought about all of the consequences along with the benefits before going through with the process, but that isn't the case.

So Now What?

Someone is pregnant. They can have the baby and one or both raise the child, they can have the baby and give the child up for adoption, or they can have an abortion. I will say that in a way it does really suck that once a woman is pregnant the decision is really hers and only hers. In a way. It's her body, regardless of what's going on. If a guy wants to have a baby, mistake or not, he should only be having sex with someone else who's willing to have a baby. The same for the woman. If someone doesn't want to have a baby, they should fix that, or not do anything. If people could at least agree on this issue before going through with sex, maybe a bunch of heartache and remorse could be avoided. I know there are people who try and "trap" others into being with them by having children. THIS DOESN'T WORK. I mean, it can, don't get me wrong, but it's really not the way to go about things. It could randomly end up being the best thing in the world and we all go on living rose-colored, fairy tale dreams...but it's likely not going to end up that way. Communication with the person you've deemed worthy to swap your insides with is key, but in the end it's ultimately the choice of the person who has a direct impact on the situation. The mother is carrying the child, therefore it's her choice. If you take her choice away (legally or however), there are multitudes of things that could possibly happen and most of them aren't good.

In The News

Most of these thoughts were first prompted by things going on in different parts of the country that more than likely came across my twitter feed at some time or another.

The first was this article about a billboard targeting African Americans and abortion. I really don't know how I feel about it besides the fact that I thought it was harsh. I did wonder if there were other ones talking about other races as well. Also, and without looking at statistics completely, I'm pretty sure we aren't the race with the largest amount of abortions. Maybe we are, but damn.

This one, an article about a bill in GA that could possibly criminalize miscarriage, was asinine. It seems as if people who want to get elected or stay in office do whatever they can to please their constituents, which makes sense, but they do it without fully realizing the thought they are putting out there. Or they don't give a damn. I'm pretty sure a good amount of miscarriages would be criminalized under this if it came to pass as it is in the article, seeing that a lot of people either don't know they're pregnant or don't know what they're doing once they get pregnant. There would need to be a lot of things defined in this one. What constitutes human involvement? What if a woman has a miscarriage after eating a fully cooked meal that somehow still had Listeria bacteria in it? What about a woman who unknowingly works in a building that was constructed with toxic building materials that caused her miscarriage? So, I understand  the obvious. A woman finds out she's pregnant and just "happens" to fall down the stairs is clearly an act meant to terminate birth, but what about the other things that are clearly not just the doing of nature, but also not the woman's fault? Do they go after the people who failed at making her meat thermometer effective in the first case? The builders or building owners in the second? Furthermore, how in the hell is the woman supposed to prove she had nothing to do with it? Both of those things can be EASILY overlooked.

Then there was the article about the bill in South Dakota that would deem it legal as a justifiable homicide to kill abortion providers. What? It's been revised a few times, but...what??? I'm gathering that "justifiable homicide" is another term for self-defense in the minds of the people pushing the bill, but when you include statements about preventing harm to a fetus it starts getting a bit skewed. South Dakota is apparently already a state where plenty of abortion doctors have already been victims of murder and attempted murder and  there aren't even any actively practicing in the state. How was this bill supposed to be perceived in a state that has to fly doctors in to meet with women who want to have abortions? *facepalm*

The Conclusion

It is my personal belief that if you are having sex then you should know that sex can lead to babies and be prepared to deal with that fact. If you and your sexual partner aren't on the same page as to what happens if you happen to cause pregnancy, then there is a problem, simple as that. I don't feel like abortion is or ever really was an option for myself, but I have no idea what I would have done in any particular situation and tried to have a discussion about it with anyone I ever shared myself with in that way. I also don't feel like it's my duty or right to police the body or mind of anyone else who is faced with pregnancy; that is up to them. Let them and whoever they do or don't believe in deal with it. The issue always seems to be filled with people who are Pro-Life but hate Welfare and Universal Health Care programs on one side and people who are Pro-Choice but only see the scientific aspects of the process on the other side. I know that's a general basis and there are many variations, but that's the point...life and issues surrounding life are never black and white, cut and dry issues. There are multiple shades of gray and every case is different.