The 3-Month-Old!

Well, well, well, yesterday, 12-10-11, at 2:28am, Miss Chloe Giovanni officially became a three-month-old. I can't even describe how that feels inside. She's awesome. She learns how to do something new like every single day (even fun small things, like blowing raspberries, and effectively spitting all over people). She's getting used to just "being here". I think we can probably stop swaddling her now because of that, and I know Marshall's sells baby sleep sacks so I will be picking some of those up soon.

No doctor's appointment this month. She'll get one next month though. She's pretty much all caught up on weight charts now, I'm sure. She's been in some of her 3-6 month sized clothes for a week or so now, and definitely getting bigger and heavier every day. Her earrings haven't caused her any problems, which is awesome. We think she may have started teething with the amount of drool and hand chewing and coughing due to the amounts of drool, and fussiness she's having. It's some kind of amazing...this whole process of life...

Chloe got her big girl bed. Well, not exactly her big girl bed (we already have a twin bed she can graduate to), but her grandmother got her a crib. My dad got her the mattress (and he's coming to town for Christmas, ^_^), so now we have a crib to put together.

I'm having bittersweet feelings towards the change though. While I'm super excited that she has a bed and we have a sheet and a sheet protector so we can set it up whenever and move her in, I'm going to miss her. I used to like pulling her in with me after a feeding or before I was warm enough to get up yet. Now, she's going to be all the way in another room :-(. I'm sure I'll get used to it though. I can still have my little innocent, open-mouthed, passed out little girl to hold before I put her down for the night ^_^.

If holding this baby is wrong, I don't wanna
be right...

I never imagined having such a happy little girl. I thought the bits of stress (I did kind of lose my mom and then get married) I went through would have made her an entirely different person than she is. She's the sweetest little smiley thing though. I could imagine how hard it is to take care of kids when you're younger or not supported like we are, but this has been a very awesome time in my life and this baby is amazing.

Merry ChristmaHanuKwanzaa-kah

The Bet

Anyone ever seen the movie Trading Places? If you haven't, what happens is these two uber rich dudes make a bet that would change the lives of two guys completely (one was poor and was made rich, and vice versa) and all for $1. Well in that spirit, let me explain The Bet.

My family has TONS of twins. My grandmother is a twin. I have a set of twin cousins. One of my cousins has twins. The Husband's grandmother was ALSO a twin. See where I'm going with this? We haven't had any twins in the family in a little while (compared to how they've popped up so far) and I'm pretty certain that I'm "doomed" to have twins. I'm actually kind of surprised that I didn't have them with the first pregnancy, but it would make more sense (at least from my side of the fam) for them to come with the second pregnancy. The twin cousins were all the second pregnancy.

The Husband thinks we'll have a boy, and that will be it. I, based off of history, have determined that we'll be having twins (I'm thinking a boy and girl). Therefore, we have a bet. And yes. It happens to be for $1.

Let me get one thing straight. I don't necessarily WANT twins. I used to...but now that I'm older and I understand how money works and that I like having as much of it as possible it wouldn't be conducive to us having money to have two babies at once. Also, now that we have the one munchkin and have experienced what taking care of a baby is like I doubt we would be able to take care of an extra two by ourselves...at least not with both of us working. We have a plan that would actually work out well if we ended up with double the fun next time, but that doesn't mean we need to go through all of that.

In the end, whoever we end up blessed with, no matter if there are one or two new people in our lives, we'll make it work, and shower all the munchkins in as much love as we can!

The Two Month Old!

Time is going oh so slow but yet blazingly fast...Chloe is 2 months old! She is sleeping 5 hours at a time at night more often now and every now and then goes down for the entire night! I'm pretty confident that she'll get the whole pattern/sleeping schedule thing down in no time.

As far as her development goes, she seems to be a pretty strong little girl (just like I thought). She can grip the mess out of things and lift her head to the point where she may be able to lift her chest and support herself on her arms soon. When you hold her upright and let her feet touch something solid she's really good at stretching her legs out and putting weight on them, which is a great sign. I think her strength may be developing faster than her motor skills though, because it seems like she would be able to lift up for real if she had a better handle on what to do with her arms and legs...which is completely normal. Her back is getting stronger too, which means she will be able to support herself when sitting and being carried soon!

We have recently discovered the beautiful thing that is a pacifier that stays in her little mouth for a while. She seems soooo comfortable and calm with that thing...it really does live up to it's name. I had to get some more and some clips for them.

Chloe has had a few VERY successful babysitting experiences so far...mainly because The Husband makes me so we can go do things together again. It's not a bad thing...but he does literally have to make me do it, lol. So far she's only stayed with her Gan-Gan (that's what she wants to be called, so deal with it, lol) but there have been visitors while she was there. I've been very calm about it too. I haven't been too overbearing or anything...I didn't even cry. I probably will the first time she goes to school or daycare though, lol. So far I'm learning that it's us, the patents, who seem to have the hardest times with separation. The kids are all whatever about it...at least mine is, lol. I think it's because of who she's with though...a woman I trust completely who successfully didn't kill and raised two grown men...I think she can handle one tiny baby girl just fine. ^_^

We had her two month checkup today. She is 10 lbs, 2 oz, 22 inches long, and her head is 38 cm around. She's growing very well! She got a couple of shots and some oral medicine. Then she got her ears pierced! I'm pretty sure the doctor told me she was going to use a gun when I first asked about getting it done, and I wasn't really the happiest about it, but I figured if the doctor got her infected then there was something else totally wrong with that place in general. Luckily for everyone, the nurse brought in these individually packaged sterile and disposable piercing tools to do the job. Chloe was scared after getting all of other procedures done (even though she took the shots like a champ!) and I think that and the fact that we had to hold her down a bit were the worst parts of the piercings. She did scream for a little bit but I calmed her back down and fed her before we left the office. She did seem a bit irritable after she woke up at home, but she had a huge day. Irritability can be expected after all of that!

Happy Chloe with earrings!

Some of the fantastically cute things she's done lately:

• SMILES...like all the time at us, and really big too ^_^
• she grabbed my lip with her toes
• blows cute little bubbles
• laughs (oh the dimples!) and "dances"
• grabs at randoms things, like the crotch of her outfit
• trys to hold/support her bottle when eating
• stretches. I cannot possibly describe how cute it is to watch her do a full body stretch...well, I can, with a picture...

She kind of looks like she's doing a move a
 Greek would do...

Have you ever looked at the results of something you've done and you really have no words for how you feel about it? I am so many things...amazed...awestruck...in love...shocked...just all these different things when I look at her and realize that I grew her inside of me and gave birth to her. Life really is a miracle and we've been given the chance to watch a life from start to who knows when. It's so amazing!

Countdown: 8 Things That Are Saving My Life

HEY NEW MOMS! So, I'm still pretty new at this myself, but I figured I'd share some things with you that have been COMPLETE lifesavers lately. Okay, maybe they aren't all that, but they're making me happy, and will probably make you happy too! You can find most of this stuff in a store easily, but all the images link to Amazon or the place where I get them from if it's specific.



8. Munchkin Bottle and Nipple Brush

Let's say you go a little obsessive-compulsive when baby arrives, like I did. There are m any reasons for doing so, so don't feel bad. My reason was thrush, and cleaning everything that touched my baby's mouth became a way of life. This thing is making cleaning bottles out SO easy. The ones that have just the bristles and no sponge are decent cleaning utensils, but this bad boy gets all the grime out quickly. Which is good when you want to get your hands out of the dishwater as soon as possible. Which you WILL WANT. The only hangup I even think about a little bit is the sponge part (germs, bacteria, misc. crap), but I'm pretty confident that I'm getting all of the water out of it and will be replacing it as soon as it starts to get icky.

7. Palmolive with Aloe for Dry Skin

For the same reasons I like the brush above and more...I LOVE this stuff. I was washing baby bottle and my hands so frequently at one point that my hands were super dry, cracked, and even bleeding a little. It SUCKED. I'm sure there are other dish liquids that are just as good and even better, but this has been helping me out a LOT.

6. My Healthy Skin Mix

I made my own mixture of organic natural stuff to sooth my skin and prevent stretch marks when I was pregnant and I liked it so much that I made another batch once I ran out after the baby was born. My mixture has shea butter, cocoa butter, coconut oil, vegetable glycerin, and vitamin e. That's it! It's really simple to make and I would tell you the amounts I used but I didn't keep very good track of it. Just don't use a whole lot of the vitamin e if you decide to make your own mix...I believe I read somewhere that too much can be bad for a baby and you don't need that much anyway. I don't have a single stretch make on my body (at least, that wasn't there before the baby, lol) and in the warmer months this was all I needed on the places I used it (chest, stomach, knees, feet, a trouble spot on one of my elbows, and now my hands). I wouldn't put this on my face, but my face can't really handle a whole lot besides water, a little soap, and coconut oil (or light application of lotion with oatmeal) without freaking out. I got the shea and cocoa butters and glycerin from mountainroseherbs.com, the coconut oil from the DeKalb Farmer's Market (but I'm about to learn how to make my own!) and the vitamin e from Wal-mart.

5. Graco Lovin' Hug Infant Swing

Once Miss Chloe got a little older, bigger, and less spastic (all babies are spastic when they're born) she fell in love with this swing. We use it to help her get to sleep when she shows signs of needing a nap and sometimes we have to make use of it at night when she's being particularly stubborn. It also comes in handy when we have things to do and need her somewhere content and stationary. It has sounds, music, a timer, and a mobile. The mobile just became useful as she didn't really pay attention to it until now, but there is a white noise sound on there that was sent from heaven, I'm sure. It makes her calm down almost instantly and usually helps put her to sleep too.

4. Infant Tub with Sling

Ok, so this isn't the specific one I own, but it's the one I originally wanted. I ended up getting a white one with an Elmo sling on it as a gift and it has been amazing. We were using a a square plastic dish cleaning basin and a big sponge for a while. There is an entirely different baby in the bathroom from the one who used to be in there getting a bath. The last time she didn't cry a single bit and the time before that she only cried when I took her out! The sling is where it's at...it's nice and comfy for baby and the warm water on her bottom and back and a wet washcloth on her tummy make it all soothing and wonderful for her.

3. The First Years Night and Day Bottle Warmer System

I originally didn't even think I'd need this. I put it on my registry because it was one of the recommended items, and it has been such a great gift! This particular model comes with a cooler on the back, so you can take a couple of bottles into your room or the nursery and fill the little vials on the sides with the right amount of water and you're set for the entire night. All you have to do is grab a bottle out, pour the water in, and push the button...less than five minutes later you have baby food ready to go! I usually change her diaper while it's heating and I can do that and get the bottle in her mouth before she starts screaming again. 

2. MAM Love & Affection Pacifier

So, I actually kind of love how I told Chloe's Godmother about all the things I didn't want to use with Chloe, but she got them for me anyway, lol. One of those things was disposable diapers. She had a raffle at my baby shower and to get a raffle ticket you had to bring diapers or wipes. I am SO glad I have those things right now. Another one of those things was a pacifier. I did a fair amount of research on them while pregnant and there seems to be a huge dividing line about using pacifiers. I originally didn't really want to, but since actually having the baby these have been AWESOME. These in particular are made for a baby 2+ months old (shh, don't tell anyone...we have a week left until she's that old, lol) but they have some for super new babies. She happily calms down when one of these is popped in her mouth and it actually stays in there for a little while, which is great for us. The Husband has made it clear that we need more.

1. FAMILY

So I had to get a LITTLE mushy and sentimental in this post. The people in the pictures are friends as well, but they are all family to me. I don't know what I would do without each and every single one of them in our lives and I'm so very happy they are around and love our baby (almost) as much as we do. From just being there to talk to, to babysitting, to going out, to staying in and chilling out they've all been there in some way or another and they've been AWESOME. Number one lifesaver. Number ONE. ^_^

The Breastfeeding Blues

So, there is a thing termed the "baby blues" that women often get after giving birth. It's not serious (unless it develops into postpartum depression) and it's fairly common. Well, I admit, I do experience that, but I also have Breastfeeding Blues. Why? Well, Chloe and I both have issues. Let's explore them.

Mommy Issue: Oversupply. That sounds STUPID, I know. How can having TOO MUCH be an issue? We often hear about women who give up breastfeeding because they think they aren't or actually aren't producing enough milk. I had think first because it really is kind of difficult to tell at first if you're doing everything right and if your baby is actually getting enough...especially once a growth spurt hits. My problem (as usual) is opposite of most people, but still very much a problem. The good thing about the issue is that I make enough milk to bank it away in the freezer. That and knowing I can effectively feed my child are about the only good parts. Let me explain. First, there's the let down. This is what happens when your milk starts to come out when you nurse. I think mine was too forceful at first...she would choke and cry at first when I started to nurse her. After that, there was just a TON of milk. The thing is, when you breastfeed, they tell you to empty one side first and then offer the other kind of  like dessert. Well, when you make too much milk, if you give the baby the first side and they don't finish it, and then offer the other side, all they are getting is dessert. Makes for an unhappy baby because they haven't had the good, fatty hindmilk and it messes with their digestion. There's also a ton of pain every time the oversupplied breasts get full, and it's a lot easier to end up with blocked milk ducts and other issues. This was not fun for me.

Baby Issue: Thrush. So, on top of making too much milk, be both came down with a yeast infection known as thrush. It often isn't that big of a deal, but we had it pretty bad. I think it made eating painful for her. I KNOW it made it painful for me. It can cause burning pains during and after nursing, itching, and red, super sore nipples. The baby had a ton of white patches all over the inside of her mouth and a pretty not cute diaper rash that developed as well. So now we're both in pain when she eats. *sigh*

Put the two together and what do you get? LOTS OF PAIN. I haven't been depressed so much about her being here or the sleep deprivation or anything else besides these 2 issues. They have made caring for my daughter challenging. I want to feed her directly but I have resorted to pumping because it hurts too much. That gets depressing to HAVE to pump and feed her when it's sooo much easier to just pop her on and let her eat. The chest pain during and after are the worst as well. I wanted to hold her more but sometimes it just hurt too much. She's a flopper too, so it's not fun being in pain and then having a baby's head pop you in the chest. It made me WISH that my milk would dry up, just so we'd have to switch to formula and then my chest would stop hurting so much. I don't want it to dry up quite yet anymore (we got some medicine to work out our issues) but it would be kind of nice to not have to worry about pumping so much. I figure I will try and keep getting as much breast milk to her as I can, but having a super supportive husband and mother in law who both have let me know that it's absolutely ok if we have to switch to formula (so I could stop beating myself up about it). Sometimes you really do have to look out for yourself. I've had so much stress behind these 2 issues that I haven't seen a point in getting my post-pregnancy facial because my skin is still a mess. The stomach issues I developed in college have returned too. I refuse to feel this awful for too long though, so if we need to use formula, we will.

Breast milk is sooooo cheap though, lol.

*sigh*

The Three Week Old

So, we've been parents for 3 whole weeks now. And a few days (I tried to get this out before now, lol). Parenthood is.....interesting. I thought everything changed every day when I was pregnant....it did, but this is a whole new set of changes. It's not that she changes so much...we really don't know her personality yet and I'm always wondering about things about her, but literally, she will outgrow her newborn clothes overnight. Babies don't just gain steady weight, it comes in spurts (they tell you to weight them like once a week so you actually see the growth and wont trip when nothing happens for a few days). She was 5 lbs, 13 oz at birth, she went down to 5lbs, 7.5oz before we left the hospital (which is normal) and I weighed her yesterday (I think, I can't keep track of anything now) and she was 8 lbs!

A friend of mine from high school had her daughter a couple of weeks before us (our due dates were a day apart though) and I feel like I stole her sentiment of being in awe, but I REALLY AM! I have either a really good poem or a novel chapter brewing in my brain and I need to start writing it down. This little girl has completely changed everything about my existence. Most of the ways I've changed are good, but I can't deny I've had some of the "baby blues" as they call them. It's not quite postpartum depression (YET, at least) but some of the feelings of being overwhelmed are definitely there (I've never had anyone depend on me like this...even my cats can go a few days without me and not care). Breastfeeding has been the most opposite bag of failtastic wonderment ever too. I'll explain that in another post though.

I'm sitting here listening to Chloe grunt away and try to stretch while swaddled and try to wake back up to eat while watching some tv and thinking about what I'm going to try to make for dinner and whatever else I can get done before I'm restrained to the couch or bed for a while taking care of her. Life is so different now, lol. Here are some lists that explain some of the differences:

Top Ten Questions I Have About My Daughter, As She Develops:

1. What will her personality be like?
2. Will she take after us in a noticeable way or will it come out later in life, or will she just be herself?
3. Will she be right handed or left handed?
4. When will she get this dern head to stay up on her own? (It's not that it's particularly big or anything, she just has to work on it, lol)
5. Will she actually get big and strong enough to sit up or crawl or walk, or am I stuck in this vortex where she stays tiny and cute forever?
6. Did God invent a decibel that her cry hits and makes my heart break, even though I know she isn't in pain but hungry or wet or just wants us, or am I tripping? 
7. Will I actually be able to leave her with someone else?
8. Will I actually be able to leave her with someone else and NOT call them every half hour to check on her?
9. What does she dream about? She smiles in her dreams...
10. Am I doing this right?

Top Ten Things I NEVER Thought I'd Care About, But Do Now, Because I'm A Parent:

1. Another person's pee.
2. Another person's poop. (Literally number 1 and 2, clever, eh?)
3. Another person's spit.
4. Another person's gas.
5. Another person's rashes.
6. If another person had eaten enough, but on a serious level. I TOTALLY understand why a lot of parents/grandparents ask their kids/grandkids if they're eating (or moving their bowels)...for months it's the ONLY way you know your kid is healthy!
7. Where someone else's hands have been, but on another more serious level. I don't let people touch my face or hair for that reason but now? #GermaphobeToTheMax
8. That cloth can be wrapped up in about 8.34 bazillion ways...and then be placed on a person's butt. 
9. How cheap breast milk is, and no matter what I'm going through, I'm going to try my hardest to provide it.
10. Nothing about my hair. No matter what, you could always bet my head would be presentable. It is mildly that at the moment, because we went to the mall today, but yeah. I'm, understandably, a mess.

Our Birth Process

I'm finally posting again! I dunno how often I will post now, because no one can really explain how busy and tired you get when you have a new baby, but hopefully I can get some stuff out from time to time. (Note: it took THREE DAYS to get this written, lol)

So, we went to the hospital, appointment to be induced in hand, at 5pm on Thursday, September 8, 2011. The Husband and Granny were with me (Granny came in town a couple of days beforehand). Lots of others came to support us during our process. Here's how it all went down:

Thursday:
Got to the hospital, got a room, got all situated in a hospital gown and hooked up to a fetal heart monitor, a contraction monitor, and an IV. I don't think she liked the fetal heart monitor so much because it kept getting kicked around. DeKalb Medical has a really nice Women's Center and the room was kind of like a hotel room. We pretty much settled in and watched some tv. They gave me half of a cytotek pill to start the induction process and I decided to work on my thank you cards for baby shower gifts. At some point during that mission a couple of nurses darted in the room and made me lay on my side...Chloe's heart rate took a dip and they wanted to make sure she was okay. They gave me oxygen and watched me for a few minutes and determined she was okay for the moment, but I had to lay on my side for the rest of the night. My mother-in-law (MIL) and Aunt-in-law (AIL) stopped by and asked the nurses and doctors a bunch of questions and wished us luck.

I got the second half of the cytotek a little bit later and then in the middle of the night the same two nurses and about 4 others and a doctor came rushing to my side because Chloe's heart rate dipped again. They flopped my back and forth on my sides and started talking about me possibly having a c-section if she kept doing it, because my cervix still hadn't dilated at all so they couldn't get in and find out if the cord was around her neck. They watched me for a while again (and this was the most scared I think I'd ever been in life) and then determined they weren't going to give me any more cytotek and wait for the am doctor (my actual doc) to make any more calls on what to do with me.

Birthing tip #2 (#1 is more important, and comes later): EAT WELL BEFORE YOU GET TO THE HOSPITAL. If you have a choice (or enough time) in stopping somewhere before you get there to have a great meal, DO IT. You wont eat anything solid until the baby is out and you're in a recovery room if you go to a hospital like the one I was in. Don't misunderstand, the hospital was awesome, they just don't let you eat.

Friday:
My doctor gets in and has them start me on the pitocin drip. I can finally take the oxygen off but now I'm hooked up to IV fluids, pitocin, a blood pressure cuff, a heart rate monitor, a fetal heart rate monitor, and a contraction monitor. They keep coming in to up the pitocin from time to time. MIL and AIL come back. MJ comes by and so does The Godmother after she gets off of work. The doctor decides to assess the situation once we are up to the maximum amount of pitocin the nurses can give me without doctor approval and finds I am finally about a couple of centimeters dilated. He breaks my water to hopefully get things moving along, which is a very weird feeling. That part was obviously necessary because my contractions finally start to get stronger and stronger, to the point where I decide that since I'm not very far along, I want to go ahead and get an epidural if I'm going to have to go through that pain getting stronger and stronger for the rest of the night. It's one of those describable indescribable kind of pains...kind of like cramps you would have with your menstrual cycle, but much, much worse and in your entire uterus, which is quite a large area with a baby in it. Up until then it just felt like the entire area was squeezing and tight, but now it was that with pain. I didn't like the decision when I made it, but I figured I needed to look out for myself sometime too. Being in that much pain for several more hours wouldn't have left me in a good condition to get her out efficiently, and she was so very wide awake when she arrived, so in the end, I'm happy I did what I did.

I ask for the medicine and look at everyone in the room like I want to stab them. With axes. In the back. That are on fire. My father-in-law (FIL) and brother-in-law (BIL..see the pattern here?) stop in and I think I actually manage to say "get out" very evilly but somehow still under my breath. This scares BIL, and he says so on Facebook, lol. They usher everyone other than The Husband out of the room and get me my happy drugs, which, are NOT fun to receive in the middle of a contraction, but I sat there as best I could. It was probably a good idea that they had The Husband sit on my feet during that process, lol. All is well and I can finally lay on my back again (I have to to make sure the drugs don't go to one side) and I don't feel the pain anymore. I do still feel a bit of tightness at each contraction, but that's nothing compared to the pain before that. I'm hooked up to everything I was hooked up to before, plus the epidural and a catheter now (no more getting out of bed at all, which is to be expected since I can barely feel my legs). Now it's kind of like a little party. I get kind of jealous at all of the eating and drinking around me (I'm stuck on ice chips, and have been since I got to the hospital) but I deal. MIL went to the store earlier that day and brought a bunch of stuff for everyone to survive through the night with, which was AWESOME of her to do. It gets to be about 10 and we find out I've dilated all of 3 cm. MIL and AIL ask the doctor what is estimate is of how long things will take and he says once I get to 4 cm it should be about one an hour and then at 10 I have Chloe. They decide that they are going to go home and we should call them when I am 6 cm along, but they hang around for a while. Everyone else leaves and I finally send The Godmother home too, who is falling asleep in her chair.

Saturday:
Around midnight, I start to feel pain again and had a nurse called to check on me. She came in and looked at the epidural, which was working just fine and decided to check me. I was magically 9.5 cm dilated! The Godmother was upset that she had just gotten home and was way too tired to come back and MIL and AIL were glad they decided to stay as long as they did. They propped me up so I could "labor down" and decrease the amount of time that I'd be pushing. It didn't take a whole lot longer until the nurse and The Husband were holding my legs and making me push with contractions. The doctor was called in because Chloe's heart rate dipped again and I had to push on my side. Eventually the bed got quickly reconfigured and the doctor got in position and the "one more push and we'll have a baby" speech was given.

Birthing tip #1: The most important tip. For me at least, there was only so much the epidural was going to do for me. Apparently, the pain would have been 100 times worse without the epidural, but yeah, I still felt everything that made it's happy way out of me and into the world. The Husband let me know that her head was out, and I let him know that I kind of already knew that fact. I got the rest of her pushed out and looked over and saw the most perfect being on the face of the entire earth. She was awake, alert, and quietly looking around trying to figure out how in the world she just got to where she was. The doctor got the afterbirth out which was basically some pressure and another good push. He let us know that her cord was a bit small, which is what led to her being a small baby. The Husband actually watched her come out and she immediately became the most important thing in the universe to him. He got mad at the nurse giving her her first bath, lol.

Chloe Giovanni Linly made it! She is here and beautiful and perfect and awesome and I've never known that I could love something or someone quite like this. I want the world for her. I want no pain or suffering or heartache to ever happen to her, and I know it will because that's life, and I plan to be here.

I finally got some food (hospital food wasn't bad at all) at about 8am and we spent the rest of our time in the hospital receiving visitors and sleeping whenever we could. We stayed until Sunday evening, even though the doctor originally said we wouldn't go home until Monday. I actually miss being brought a menu to pick from and having a bunch of food brought to me throughout the day, but we ended up leaving the hospital a day early.

Everything is new and different every day,hour and moment now. Life has become the most crazy, awesome, stressful, beautiful blur I could have never imagined.

Before My Daughter Arrives

The end is near. Possibly in sight even. I'm at the hospital and all strapped up to my first I.V. EVER and have been given the order not to consume anything other than water or ice until this birthing process is over. Which sucks. I ate before we came and I've got fluids running through me, so I suppose that's all I need. I'm not really hungry anyway but I would like to snack.

I feel a lot of things. Nervous is a big one. I've never done this before, and I have no idea how its going to go, so I'm a little anxious about that. Excited. All goes well and I'll have a tiny human I grew in my arms soon. In the zone. I'm mostly happy right now...which means good things. It's like before the wedding when I was nice and happy and not freaking out. I figure I'll freak out at some point (like when the pain actually starts) and then completely blank out like I did for the wedding. HOPEFULLY (^_^). Other than that right now it's just waiting. I think I'll take a nap sometime soon.

Things I'll miss about being pregnant: The baby hiccups. The baby fussiness when she gets hiccups. Playing little games of patty-cake while she's inside me. All the little awe-ful moments that came with this new experience, like seeing that she was real for the first time, feeling the first movement ever (which really freaked me out), and watching The Husband's face the first time he felt her move. The smiles of encouragement from other women. The being ignored by riffraff and other men.

Things I WONT miss about being pregnant: The gas. The sciatica. Being tired all of the time and having to surrender to the fact that I'm pregnant. Surrendering, period, to the smallest being ever. The completely stupid and unsolicited advice (which I'm told will actually get worse *sigh*). Not having my baby yet and wondering when everything's going to go down.

I feel an incredible sense of love. I'm in a room with my husband, grandmother, mother-in-law and aunt-in-law. I've got Chloe's godmother ready to come down when things get going and another great friend in another state waiting to hear what's going on by text. I also have a ton of people rooting for me in real life and through the social networks I frequent, so besides the love I feel for this moment in my life, I KNOW I am loved and that Chloe is loved. I feel my mom. I miss her, but I feel her with me. All this will probably change into a few other things as time goes on, but I hope to use my brain against the pain like I've done for other things in the past, and come out of it strong and happy and relieved, and a new mommy.

I'm having a baby!

39 Weeks

I was kind of hoping to not be making this post, lol. Not that I don't want Chloe to stay in there and come when she pleases, but I'd just hoped she be like me and decide to come out 2 weeks early. Oh well, it's a good thing really, and a blessing that we had to chance to have THREE baby showers for her, and I stay at work a while longer and have more to aside and whatnot.

After visiting the two doctors again this week, we ended up with an appointment to be induced on Thursday. They will prep me and get the process started, my doctor will get there the morning after, and we will have a baby in our arms by Friday. It's a bittersweet feeling...I'd love to have her in my arms by Friday, but I want her to be in there as long as SHE needs to, even if I am tired of being the current system  of her transport. That and I REALLY still don't want the drugs. Everything will be alright though, I'm sure of that. So far the apartment is almost completely ready, for her and us to just comfortably live in. Her room and bathroom are all decorated and set up, we have a bassinet in our room and just need to straighten up some things, the kitchen was done shortly after we moved in, and the living room just needs some pictures and decoration put in the right places. We're "ready" (I mean is anyone really?)!

I pretty much no longer have a belly button...

This week for Chloe:

• 5 lbs 15 oz (yaay, nice and healthy and growing!)
• Her brain is still getting larger and more and more awesome
• Her skin has turned from pink to white because a thicker layer of fat is covering her blood vessels...pigmentation occurs shortly after birth

The end is in sight. We have a finite date that she will be here by, even though she could come at any time. Granny is coming back in town (she was here for our wedding a few months ago ^_^) to stay with us and help us with Chloe soon! Life is pretty good and I can't wait to make life for Chloe awesome!

38 Weeks

Nine. And. A. Half. Months. Pregnant.

*phew*

This week I was actually getting tired of being pregnant. I may have stated before that I don't understand why anyone would schedule their baby to come out early out of convenience or any other reason besides health (and I still don't personally agree with the practice), but I can kind of understand where expectant moms are from when they're so uncomfortable they beg the doctor to get the baby out. I'm not terribly uncomfortable (she hasn't been on my sciatic nerve lately) but being pregnant is sooooo tiring now. At first it was my body getting used to having to grow and contain another human. Then it was just HOT outside. Now, she MOVES and I need a nap. Ok, it's not quite that bad, but with the heat I seriously need 3-5 naps a day. Oh well, she will be in our arms soon enough!

This week we went to the doctor I don't trust first. This experience was a lot better (and thank GOD I didn't have to pay a copay...I think I would have found a table and flipped it because I kind of feel like I'm being used for money) but still not that great. They did NO measurements. Maybe that's how its supposed to go, but I guess I figured that when you say you're concerned about the growth of the baby, and you want to monitor said growth, that you actually, you know, would monitor it. Whatever. They say they will measure next week and this week was to make sure she was still healthy and moving and whatnot. I could have given them a phone call for that...Chloe has moved more and more since they doubted her health. The ultrasound tech did say she was taking practice breaths, so I suppose that was exciting. Then she said she'd see me next week and left them room. With me on the table. With the leg part still sticking out (you know, the extender thing you rest your legs on that they *usually* push back in for you so you can effectively get down). I wipe myself off and kind of turtle rock to get off the table, pissed. At MY doctor, we found out that no matter what, I will be a new mother by the due date, September 9th. Since we're having these "issues" they want to go ahead and make sure she's here on her due date and if she doesn't alarm them at next week's ultrasound we'll set up an induction and I go to the hospital the evening before to get it all started. I asked what my mobility would be while induced and got the answer I expected, but really didn't want to hear. I'd end up stuck in the bed. *sigh* This little girl needs to go ahead and decide to come out. I really don't want to go through all of that; the chances of needing a c-section are increased as well, which I REALLY don't want. Again, I'll do whatever to make sure she's healthy...I just can't see how pumping me full of drugs is healthy for her. I understand though, if getting her out is and that's the only way. Fine. (Stupid, responsible, parental decisions. Grr.)

Growth problems my left buttcheek. She's DEFINITELY
gotten bigger...

This week for Chloe:

• She is pretty much ready to come out! I'm relating this time to when you would take cookies out of the oven if you wanted them fully cooked but still soft, lol. 
• Still shedding the hair and gross cheesy-like stuff and is producing surfactant, which will keep her air sacs from sticking together when she starts to breath

Had my third baby shower Friday (hence the late post). I feel so blessed and loved and like I am a very special person to a lot of other people...there is peace and comfort and all kinds of warm fuzzy from that feeling. I'm so happy the people in my life are so supportive and awesome and that they will be in her life too. The only person I wish was here and can't be is my mom. I know she's here in spirit, literally, but its not the same. The awesome part, even though she can never be replaced to me, is that I have loving and supportive and awesome new family members who remind me of her in the best ways. I can talk to them and feel like I'm talking to her. It's awesome. I can't wait to meet this little girl!

37 Weeks ~ The Full Term Chloe

This week was brought to us by DISCREPANCY. I tweeted a few details of what was going on, but lemme break it down a little more.

To catch everyone up on my backstory, and why I feel the way I do about our healthcare system, let me explain a couple of things:

1. I have had a few doctors who decided to things that were completely unnecessary to me -- for money. I had an OB/GYN when I was in high school who gave me a pap smear EVERY time I set foot in her office. I set foot in her office 4 times a year, so I could get a Depo-Provera (birth control) shot. Now, you generally only get a Pap test ONCE a year or even once every five years, but this heffa decided to make some extra money off of medicaid. Why do I think this? Because NOT ONCE was the test abnormal, which would prompt you to perform another one so soon. Unless she wasn't telling me something. Either way, I didn't trust her for that.
2. My mom went to the pharmacy once to pick up a prescription. Thank God she'd been studying to be a Dental Hygienist and had taken a class where they learned all of the prefixes of things and what parts of the body they correlated to, because when she got the medicine she noticed something wrong with the prefix on it. The medicine was supposed to go in her eye, but the prefix correlated to the ear. She took it back in and asked the pharmacist if it was right, and they quickly gave her the right medicine and told her they were glad she caught it because she could have damaged her eyes with it.
3. The whole cancer thing with my mom. Not only the fact that she'd been going to the same hospital since we moved to Atlanta in 1995 and they didn't catch it until it was waaaaaay too late, but even after they had her scheduled to have things (LIKE SURGERY) done when it wasn't even needed. W.T.F.

Now, with those few things I've witnessed/been through, I'm still not saying the US doesn't offer some of the best healthcare in the world. I'm sure we do. The thing is, it's run by people, and people make mistakes or sometimes have other agendas. What I'm saying is WE HAVE TO BE CAREFUL. If you feel an instinct to ask a question, ASK IT. If something isn't adding up to you, MAKE SURE IT DOES. I'm a fond believer that my body is pretty well equipped with everything it needs to run smoothly as long as I'm taking care of it, so I need to know why someone wants to give me medicine or surgery or anything that otherwise disrupts it from doing its job. If there is a logical explanation, fine, go ahead, but don't piss on me and call it rain, and expect me not to smell it and punch you in the face when I figure out the truth. 

So, I had to go to a different office this week to have an ultrasound. Something about how insurance companies weren't paying for in-office ultrasounds or something. We get there, I fill out the paperwork, and have the ultrasound. It shows that Chloe is about 5 pounds and 3 ounces, which is behind schedule for now. The ultrasound tech has me wait with the jelly still intact in case the doctor wants to have a look and goes to get the doctor. I lay there for almost an hour and we finally find out that we're waiting for records. Ok.  Not sure why, but ok. I'm not happy about the fact that I had to lay there, uncomfortable, for so long, but ok. We go talk to the doctor and she runs down everything they checked for. There was no indication that Chloe has Down's Syndrome. There was no indication that the placenta or umbilical cord weren't working correctly. There was no indication that she wasn't getting enough oxygen, or that the amniotic fluid levels were low. All signs, according to this doctor, were pointing to Chloe just being genetically small. Fine. 

And that typically they induce labor at 39 weeks because at that point it would be better to have her out than in. Um. 

I had a feeling she left off some information, and I very well could (and maybe should) have asked her to explain it more right then and there, but I was hungry, irritated, and I wanted to get as far away from her as possible because I did not know her and she wanted to force my baby out of me. Ok, that was a little dramatic, but pretty much how I felt. The Husband and I waited to have our appointment today before we got to the real questions, because we wanted to ask the people we were more familiar with. We asked my doctor what she thought about it and she did her heart rate and measuring tests and was happy with the results (still small but good, step one in the right direction) and she promptly went and had the office staff call the other doctor's office 3 times to get the information faxed over, and as quickly as possible (step two in the right direction). She came back in and let us know that what we said was NOT what the other doctor put in her report, and that she was concerned there was a growth problem. That heffa never uttered the words growth problem. Well, she did, but she connected in with the placenta or umbilical cord not working properly, but then told us that WASN'T the case. So here we are, the new crazy little parents-to-be, up against a written report by a doctor...and of course my doctor kind of brushes it off like maybe she said it and we just didn't hear it. *sigh*

Either way, I'm very happy to report that its not set in stone that there will be an induction and that we are monitoring Chloe's growth progress to see IF there is a problem. Maybe we were supposed to put small baby and induction together and come to the conclusion on our own, but they told my mom I was small and I came out on my own and perfectly healthy, so I have no history to make an assumption from. Plus, I generally don't like making assumptions. The doctor did say we needed to get an ultrasound every week to watch her progress but really, she never said anything about being concerned that there was a growth problem. Genetically small babies are fine. Growth problems aren't. I understand that entirely, but she never said the latter. Do I want to be induced? No. Will I do it for her? Absolutely. I want the least amounts of drugs possible to get me through this, not only because my body doesn't always respond well to drugs (and I'd really not like to find out if labor is one of those cases) but because it's better for the both of us in most cases, but I will do whatever it takes to have a healthy baby and a healthy me, as long as the reasons why I need it are properly explained to me. There are people who believe natural birth is the only way to go and other who believe that every pregnancy should end with a C-Section. Why can't we just decide for ourselves, unless it's necessary for health reasons to do things differently?

I really need to figure out why my phone uploads
pics with a funky gray line under them...

Ok, finally, this week for Chloe:

• Ideally, she'd be about 6.5 lbs
• Since she's full term she is fully expected to be happy and healthy on the outside if I went into labor right now
• She's in there still practicing for life on the outside
• It's possible for her to have a full head of hair, although, if those heartburn old wives tales are true then there probably wont be that much...I haven't had a single bit of heartburn

Onward, to 2 appointments a week, being informed, and having a healthy Chloe! 

And baby shower number 2 this weekend!!!

36 Weeks...or THE BIG 9 MONTHS

I feel like there should be some kind of background music playing...like the Jaws theme or the "Hai, I'm Darth Vader and a badass" theme or something. I've officially made it to 9 months. I still have a month to go (give or take). *Sigh* Not that its a bad thing to still have a month to go, but I'm going to need this "9 months" lie to stop being perpetuated through society. Who decided that 40 weeks = 9 months??? Somebody left their calculator home that day...

This week was tiredness and the return of the pain. There was pain last week, but it wasn't anything to really write about. This week there are place that are just SORE. Like, the one spot on my upper right abdomen that Chloe aims for as her kicking dummy is tender to the touch. Oh, and dropping even the LIGHTEST thing on a pregnant tummy SUCKS. It also sucks that I'm so much more clumsy now, and I was already kinda clumsy before anyway, so dropping things in exactly the spot I shouldn't drop them happens a lot more. Swelling sucks. Preggo carpal tunnel sucks (and I might invest in a splint soon for it). Preggo sciatica sucks. Coughing sucks. Sneezing sucks. Choking on water going down the wrong pipe...SUCKS (I really thought I might die for a few hours last weekend). But, you know what's not going to suck? Chloe ^_^. Well, besides the fact that she has to literally to get food and whatnot.

Sorry this pic is a bit off...ran out of the house late and
took it at work...that and I don't really look bigger, but
trust, I AM

This week for Chloe:

• She's about 6 pounds and has more than likely reached her birth height already
• Most of her body systems are ready to go...the digestive system really kicks in at her first feeding though
• She's shedding her "baby chick hair" and the waxy stuff that keeps her from coming out a prune (vernix caseosa)

Now, we wait. Next week she will be considered full term, and the doctor said she can come anywhere from today to 6 weeks from now. I have to get an ultrasound next week because she's been measuring small (which I did too so I'm not really worried about it). Apparently, I'm capable of being a skinny bitch even while pregnant. Me: 1, World: 0. Although I like the idea of her fattening up and being as healthy as possible, let's all hope she can still do all of that and get here just a liiiiiiiiiiitttle bit sooner. Like in a week and a half ^_^. 

Baby shower this weekend...YAASSSS!

35 Weeks

Time is winding down. This week was sponsored by: TIREDNESS. I was tired during the first trimester but WOW to what's been happening lately. Summer in GA doesn't play and it's definitely not playing with me!

The doctors appointments are stepping up to once a week...we are getting so close to meeting Chloe! Everything is getting a bit more painful too...instead of not moving as much Super Baby just punches and kicks right into whatever she likes. Ouch. She still isn't keeping me up at night, which is awesome. I have been sleeping a lot lighter in general though, so hopefully I wont be dead to the world when I sleep after she's here like I normally am. People are still warning me about the lack of sleep I'm going to get, and I believe them, but I also went to Georgia Tech and learned to get by on very small amounts of sleep. At least this will be sleeping when she does, where I'll still get sleep in, as opposed to only getting 3-5 hours of sleep a day. I have had no problems in the past falling asleep for bursts of time.

This week for Chloe:

• She's up to 20 inches long and 5.5 pounds
• Her kidneys are fully developed and she can process some waste products
• Her brain is developing more and more
• She's basically sitting around and fattening up, and kicking the mess out of me

I'm starting to understand why people beg their doctors for C-sections after a while. Doesn't mean I want one though...I'm going to try to stick it out and let her debut when she's ready!

Abortion

So, I figured I'd take some time out and talk about something else today. It's an issue I've thought about several times in the past, and no matter how many people are for or against it, once you get pregnant you think about it again, even if it's just to dismiss the idea immediately. After getting mad at a blog I used to read (but stopped because it would make me mad...-_-) I figured I would post my own thoughts about the subject. My opinions in this post do not include cases of rape or otherwise forced sexual contact or anything that involves imminent or possible danger to the mother or child in having the child. I'm strictly referring to cases where two normal, sound-minded, healthy people are faced with a decision to make regarding procreation.

Morals vs. Principles

First off, I actually feel two completely different ways about abortion. My principles tell me that neither I nor anyone else has the right to tell anyone what to do with their own body. There would usually be a little bit more to that statement that says something about "as long as they aren't hurting anyone else in the process" but that's kind of the core of the issue at hand. We've decided to take up arms and define what makes a fetus "someone else" and what doesn't. I, personally, have no clue, scientifically or otherwise. I do know that no matter what we do if a person doesn't want to have a baby for whatever reason, they will find a way to make it happen. I also know that there are SEVERAL cases where people SHOULDN'T be having children and are probably doing more good than harm by terminating the pregnancy. Besides that, if I included the rest of that in my statement, all kinds of things could be included. Who says that getting a piercing or offensive tattoo doesn't hurt someone else? A weird hairstyle? Suicide generally hurts a lot of people, even though I would imagine that most people who go through with it feel otherwise. It's really a sticky subject.

My morals, on the other hand refer to myself more than anything, and have placed me in a position that if I'm willing to do the act that brings forth a child, then I need to be prepared to take care of a child. Period. I'm not saying that I've never thought about going through with it, but I don't know if I could have ever made that decision, and have luckily not been to the point where I had to cross that bridge. People should know who they're sharing themselves with and their stance on things. If you or they don't want kids, you shouldn't even be going there. I know people can change their minds, but at least you attempted to figure out what would happen before it did. I feel that if you don't want children, you shouldn't be doing things that lead to children. Don't have sex. Get a vasectomy or have your tubes tied. Even those aren't always 100% effective, but you have MUCH better chances that way. The only complete way to prevent pregnancy is to not have sex. Period.

Can I say that I've always had this mindset? Nope. Can I say that I would have been able to raise a child if I had gotten pregnant another time in life? Nope. Can I say that I was careful enough to at least believe I was ready to have a child if it had happened? Yep. Sure can. I knew what I was getting into and what could have happened. Having those thoughts definitely kept me from doing things I may or may not have been proud of later in life. I don't like being sick and I definitely went through a super selfish phase and didn't want to be burdened by anyone else's (or my own) mess. If any of those things had happened I'm pretty certain I would have taken care of them though, because those things happen when you swap bodily fluids with other people.

The Point Of It All

Let's be real here. The entire act of sexual intercourse has one purpose and one purpose only. TO REPRODUCE. Sure, there are benefits and there are consequences at times, but that's what sex is for. TO MAKE BABIES. This is where arguing over who has rights and who doesn't in the decision to have an abortion gets asinine to me. Legally, and sometimes unfortunately, the fetus has none. So it's left to the parents, and more often just the mother to decide. It's HER BODY undergoing the process. I'm pretty sure if scientists figure out a way to turn human males into the equivalent of seahorse males, the issue would be null. If I could make my husband a surrogate for our daughter you better believe I would be the 27th person in line for the procedure (I'd have to think about it for a few minutes, lol). Pregnancy is NOT easy, no matter how much some women love it. I don't dislike being pregnant myself...it's just a new and different experience filled with ups and downs and some of those ups and downs are a bit much to handle, especially for a person who lost their mother less than a year ago. I would like to think that everyone who ever had sex would have thought about all of the consequences along with the benefits before going through with the process, but that isn't the case.

So Now What?

Someone is pregnant. They can have the baby and one or both raise the child, they can have the baby and give the child up for adoption, or they can have an abortion. I will say that in a way it does really suck that once a woman is pregnant the decision is really hers and only hers. In a way. It's her body, regardless of what's going on. If a guy wants to have a baby, mistake or not, he should only be having sex with someone else who's willing to have a baby. The same for the woman. If someone doesn't want to have a baby, they should fix that, or not do anything. If people could at least agree on this issue before going through with sex, maybe a bunch of heartache and remorse could be avoided. I know there are people who try and "trap" others into being with them by having children. THIS DOESN'T WORK. I mean, it can, don't get me wrong, but it's really not the way to go about things. It could randomly end up being the best thing in the world and we all go on living rose-colored, fairy tale dreams...but it's likely not going to end up that way. Communication with the person you've deemed worthy to swap your insides with is key, but in the end it's ultimately the choice of the person who has a direct impact on the situation. The mother is carrying the child, therefore it's her choice. If you take her choice away (legally or however), there are multitudes of things that could possibly happen and most of them aren't good.

In The News

Most of these thoughts were first prompted by things going on in different parts of the country that more than likely came across my twitter feed at some time or another.

The first was this article about a billboard targeting African Americans and abortion. I really don't know how I feel about it besides the fact that I thought it was harsh. I did wonder if there were other ones talking about other races as well. Also, and without looking at statistics completely, I'm pretty sure we aren't the race with the largest amount of abortions. Maybe we are, but damn.

This one, an article about a bill in GA that could possibly criminalize miscarriage, was asinine. It seems as if people who want to get elected or stay in office do whatever they can to please their constituents, which makes sense, but they do it without fully realizing the thought they are putting out there. Or they don't give a damn. I'm pretty sure a good amount of miscarriages would be criminalized under this if it came to pass as it is in the article, seeing that a lot of people either don't know they're pregnant or don't know what they're doing once they get pregnant. There would need to be a lot of things defined in this one. What constitutes human involvement? What if a woman has a miscarriage after eating a fully cooked meal that somehow still had Listeria bacteria in it? What about a woman who unknowingly works in a building that was constructed with toxic building materials that caused her miscarriage? So, I understand  the obvious. A woman finds out she's pregnant and just "happens" to fall down the stairs is clearly an act meant to terminate birth, but what about the other things that are clearly not just the doing of nature, but also not the woman's fault? Do they go after the people who failed at making her meat thermometer effective in the first case? The builders or building owners in the second? Furthermore, how in the hell is the woman supposed to prove she had nothing to do with it? Both of those things can be EASILY overlooked.

Then there was the article about the bill in South Dakota that would deem it legal as a justifiable homicide to kill abortion providers. What? It's been revised a few times, but...what??? I'm gathering that "justifiable homicide" is another term for self-defense in the minds of the people pushing the bill, but when you include statements about preventing harm to a fetus it starts getting a bit skewed. South Dakota is apparently already a state where plenty of abortion doctors have already been victims of murder and attempted murder and  there aren't even any actively practicing in the state. How was this bill supposed to be perceived in a state that has to fly doctors in to meet with women who want to have abortions? *facepalm*

The Conclusion

It is my personal belief that if you are having sex then you should know that sex can lead to babies and be prepared to deal with that fact. If you and your sexual partner aren't on the same page as to what happens if you happen to cause pregnancy, then there is a problem, simple as that. I don't feel like abortion is or ever really was an option for myself, but I have no idea what I would have done in any particular situation and tried to have a discussion about it with anyone I ever shared myself with in that way. I also don't feel like it's my duty or right to police the body or mind of anyone else who is faced with pregnancy; that is up to them. Let them and whoever they do or don't believe in deal with it. The issue always seems to be filled with people who are Pro-Life but hate Welfare and Universal Health Care programs on one side and people who are Pro-Choice but only see the scientific aspects of the process on the other side. I know that's a general basis and there are many variations, but that's the point...life and issues surrounding life are never black and white, cut and dry issues. There are multiple shades of gray and every case is different.

34 Weeks

The baby drop and rapid growth are becoming noticeable to more than just me. The Husband looked at me a couple of days ago and said "Wow, you got bigger...since yesterday!" He predicts Chloe will come at the end of August instead of waiting until September. I usually wouldn't think twice about his predictions, but so far he's proven to know my body better than me. I don't think she's going to wait around either, but I'm hoping to at least make it to 37 weeks or whatever is her equivalent (since doctors really don't know when all this started) just so everything is where it's supposed to be and hopefully functioning properly. I'm already not looking forward to the hospital bill and would like it to be as small as possible, lol.

She's still moving like a little madwoman...I'm happy to know she's there, but *phew*. Sometimes it is fun to play with her while she's in there and imagine what she'll be like when she's out. I'm always wondering what her personality will be like and if she'll take after one of us more than the other. This whole "building a person" thing is really interesting (now that I'm not completely terrified by the idea). There is a bit of breathing that may it hard to distinguish, but here's a little video of Miss Kicks A Lot in action:

This week for Chloe:

• She's up to 5 pounds and 20 inches long (yikes, she really is about ready to be a baby and not a fetus!)
• The white stuff protecting her skin from wrinkling up in the amniotic fluid (vernix) is getting thicker
• Her fingernails are reaching her fingertips (I feel like the friend in Juno when she asked about a baby's ability to claw things on the way out...)
• Her central nervous system is maturing as well as her lungs
• She could be born now and generally be okay in the long run (eep!)

So I posted this dropping (which is actually called lightening) was getting more obvious, well the picture above was this morning. I don't know if the picture below (from this evening) really captures the difference, but there is one...

33 Weeks

This past week was marked with much more pain than last week, unfortunately. We moved into a bigger apartment though, so now we can start preparing for Chloe's arrival! We were supposed to be all packed up so we could just move on Monday, but our air conditioner was out Saturday and I couldn't really do anything...then I was tired Sunday. We ended up getting everything moved though, despite the fact that at some point my right leg decided not to work anymore. I shouldn't have been doing what I did anyway though...and ended up with just about every part of my body in pain by Wednesday evening. With no hot water to shower with, ugh.

I suppose Chloe is running out of room now because she's moving a lot slower lately. She's still moving just as much, but the moves are more deliberate and look/feel like she's stretching instead of boxing. My tummy is also getting lower and lower and I can feel her moving around lower and lower in my pelvis. I'd heard a nurse tell another pregnant lady at the OB's office that her baby needed to drop soon but I didn't imagine it was literally like this...I really don't see her waiting around until her due date if she's already dropping, but we'll see what happens. The doctors are all everything looks normal so it's all good, lol. I'm pretty sure everything I'm going through is completely normal, but you know, it's not normal to ME. I'm also waking up with sausages for hands and feet, which may be from moving this week. I hope we plan next bab(ies)y better than this so I wont be all in the third trimester during the dern summer.

This week for Chloe:

• She's over 4 pounds and should have passed the 17 inch mark (I know, last week said up tp 19 inches...these things are exact you know)
• Her skeleton is hardening but the skull bones aren't fused so she can conehead it out of me in the next few weeks and so her brain can expand later
• She can supposedly tell the difference in day and night now that she's bigger and there's less stuff between her and the outside...if she's truly my baby that wont mean anything though (#vampire)
• Her immune system is kicking in and should be able to protect her from mild infections. Let's hope hers is better than mine too (well, in my defense, I think stress killed mine for a loooong time)

I wonder if I am going to be put on bed rest with the aches and pains I've been having, but my body is still showing that I'm completely normal (good blood pressure, no sharp pains around Chloe, etc...). *sigh* I just  need to learn how to sit the hell down.

8 MONTHS ^_^, or, 32 weeks

So, I THOUGHT I knew what round ligament pain felt like before...I was wrong. Well, I wont say totally wrong, because it may have been a part of some of the pain I felt before...but I know now that the groin pain I've been having is definitely round ligament pain. OUCH. It feels like my entire bikini area is trying to break at times because of the pains going up and down the bikini line. Carrying a baby is serious, serious business...

The Husband and I went to an OB tour and a breastfeeding class this week. Let me warn you now, you will witness some unattractive boobs in a breastfeeding class. These are instructional video boobs, not porn video boobs. While some of them weren't bad at all, once you see a woman hooked up to a double breast pump, you just don't look at her chest quite the same. Besides that (and a rude awakening to the world of what a dirty diaper looks like), it was a pretty good experience...I learned a lot and now I'm not afraid of the concept. Basically, I watch way too much 16 and Pregnant and Teen Mom and NONE of them breastfeed and claim its too hard or it hurts too much. I do have a fabulous friend who breastfeeds though, and she's already been giving me advice. So after the class, I know that I CAN do it, WITHOUT PAIN, and I will be saving a TON. Now, if I can stick to that and cloth diapering we'll be good.

Like really, there's no more room for skin...

This week for Chloe:

• 3.75 pounds and up to 19 inches long head to toe. Sheesh.
• She practicing all of her "on the outside" movements (kicking, sucking her thumb, swallowing, breathing, etc...)
• Her digestive system is all ready to go
• She is supposed to be sleeping more like a baby and resting up for the big day. Could have fooled me, lol
• She has fingernails, toenails, and hair

Getting bigger and the nasty Atlanta heat has been making me more and more tired as the days wear on. Resting is becoming problematic as well. I can't lounge on the couch for too long without Chloe deciding its time for her to move around nonstop. I can sleep just fine, and maybe I could rest in the room with my body pillow, but then I'd be asleep all the dern time.I dunno if she's getting tired of her current living conditions or if this is just normal, but I'm hoping she's waits in there at least until after the National Poetry Slam in 3 weeks.

Moving on Monday (finally!) ^_^.

31 Weeks

Doctor's appointment was this week. They officially let me know that my Glucose Test was normal and I figured out what to do about a pediatrician (besides find one now-ish) and insurance for Chloe. We have to start going for check-ups every 2 weeks for a while now. I also figured out how much insurance for her (and The Husband) would cost. Those numbers didn't really make me all that happy, but that's life. The Husband did get a couple of better employment leads this week though, so that's awesome. I'm working out some kind of plan to save money so that it wont be too much of a burden for me to not be working while on maternity leave.

This week has brought BACK PAIN. I think it's mostly because I was moving around and lifting things I really shouldn't way too much this week, but I'm still learning how to sit the hell down and chill out. The Husband got to be in awe this week though...he's been getting to feel a lot of the "hey, I'm a baby now" movements I talked about in the last post. They freak him out. It's cute. I like that every new thing for him makes him even more full of love for Chloe...since he can't directly experience her like I do its fun to watch his experience of her. All those new movements may make it hard for me to sleep soon...sitting is becoming less appealing as sometimes she just moves around almost the ENTIRE time. I can still sleep at the moment, but I feel her. GROIN PAIN is also a reality. That is a pain that is just NOT fun, but gives me excuses to stretch it out with lunges up and down the hallway.

I dunno how much bigger I can get...

This week for Chloe:

• 3+ pounds and 18 inches of baby is inside of me. I find this weird at times, and wonder how people actually walk by the end with all that extra weight in the front
• Her brain is processing information, tracking light, and perceiving signals from all of her senses, which explains the defined "baby movements"
• She can turn her head from side to side
• Fat is making her little limbs and body plump up

I feel like I may seem a bit complain-y about being pregnant. In a way I am, but it's because everything about it at any given moment is so completely different from anything I've ever gone through. I'm the type of person who can deal with change, but I need a little bit of time for it to settle in and I don't get that while pregnant. That and they fact that my brain likes to out-think itself and make me second guess my abilities and all kinds of other screwy things doesn't help the situation. Teenager do this every single day somewhere in the world and I'm grown and married...and freaking the hell out. Mom used to tell me that being pregnant was the most happy she'd been in life...and I'm definitely not unhappy, but I'm still dealing with a lot and I feel kind of blind in my situation. No amount of research can replace having mom here to help me. This has been more like the weirdest I've ever felt in life. There are so many good emotions involved that I don't always know what to do with them either (I usually repress emotions). They do help me let unnecessary crap go and not let a lot of things bother me too much, which is awesome.

Hmm...it's probably about time to let people know I'm ready to be showered with baby gifts. Well, officially ready after we move. *tips queen crown, nods and relaxes*

30 Weeks

It feels a bit strange to be nearing the end of the pregnancy journey...only 10 weeks to go, and in a few weeks she could really come whenever. I suppose she could do that now, but she needs to stay in there a bit longer. I see pics of other pregnant ladies that are supposedly at 30 weeks and some of them HAVE to be lying. I guess some people are bigger anyway, or they have much bigger babies or maybe some of these pics are people carrying twins, but some of them are ridiculously large.

Chloe has learned some new games, like "Hey Ma, Look Where I Can Lodge My Foot Now!" Has anyone ever told you a feeling was uncomfortable, and then when you felt it you wanted to slap them because you felt like you were lied to, but in the end, that really was the best way to describe the feeling? Yeah, having a growing baby's foot lodged in your rib is like THAT. It's uncomfortable, but you'll feel like I lied to you if you ever feel it for yourself. At least, knock on wood, she hasn't started kicking my ribs really hard yet. It's weird, but I feel like she's moving more like a baby now. Technically she's still a fetus and hasn't reached baby status...but I can tell that she's getting there (besides the fact that she's getting bigger and bigger). Her movements are less sporadic and punchy now; more controlled little flutters and pushes and leans. Which may just be because she's running out of room, but I like most of the little games we play with each other.

This week for Chloe:

• She's over 3 pounds and will gain about half a pound a week for the next 7 weeks (sheesh); not much change in height
• Her brain is getting all wrinkly and powerful, meaning she'll  be able to regulate her body temperature and lose the "baby chicken hair"
• Her bone marrow has taken over production of red blood cells...another big step in her being able to survive on the outside
• Her eyesight is further developing to the whopping 20/400 it will be when she's born

I'm still sleeping good, which is awesome. I can see where it may get troublesome soon though. I'm really happy that I haven't had any strange cravings (yet). Maybe I wasn't getting enough dairy or citrus before because those are the two things I ever really just have to have. And tacos, lol.