The Breastfeeding Blues

So, there is a thing termed the "baby blues" that women often get after giving birth. It's not serious (unless it develops into postpartum depression) and it's fairly common. Well, I admit, I do experience that, but I also have Breastfeeding Blues. Why? Well, Chloe and I both have issues. Let's explore them.

Mommy Issue: Oversupply. That sounds STUPID, I know. How can having TOO MUCH be an issue? We often hear about women who give up breastfeeding because they think they aren't or actually aren't producing enough milk. I had think first because it really is kind of difficult to tell at first if you're doing everything right and if your baby is actually getting enough...especially once a growth spurt hits. My problem (as usual) is opposite of most people, but still very much a problem. The good thing about the issue is that I make enough milk to bank it away in the freezer. That and knowing I can effectively feed my child are about the only good parts. Let me explain. First, there's the let down. This is what happens when your milk starts to come out when you nurse. I think mine was too forceful at first...she would choke and cry at first when I started to nurse her. After that, there was just a TON of milk. The thing is, when you breastfeed, they tell you to empty one side first and then offer the other kind of  like dessert. Well, when you make too much milk, if you give the baby the first side and they don't finish it, and then offer the other side, all they are getting is dessert. Makes for an unhappy baby because they haven't had the good, fatty hindmilk and it messes with their digestion. There's also a ton of pain every time the oversupplied breasts get full, and it's a lot easier to end up with blocked milk ducts and other issues. This was not fun for me.

Baby Issue: Thrush. So, on top of making too much milk, be both came down with a yeast infection known as thrush. It often isn't that big of a deal, but we had it pretty bad. I think it made eating painful for her. I KNOW it made it painful for me. It can cause burning pains during and after nursing, itching, and red, super sore nipples. The baby had a ton of white patches all over the inside of her mouth and a pretty not cute diaper rash that developed as well. So now we're both in pain when she eats. *sigh*

Put the two together and what do you get? LOTS OF PAIN. I haven't been depressed so much about her being here or the sleep deprivation or anything else besides these 2 issues. They have made caring for my daughter challenging. I want to feed her directly but I have resorted to pumping because it hurts too much. That gets depressing to HAVE to pump and feed her when it's sooo much easier to just pop her on and let her eat. The chest pain during and after are the worst as well. I wanted to hold her more but sometimes it just hurt too much. She's a flopper too, so it's not fun being in pain and then having a baby's head pop you in the chest. It made me WISH that my milk would dry up, just so we'd have to switch to formula and then my chest would stop hurting so much. I don't want it to dry up quite yet anymore (we got some medicine to work out our issues) but it would be kind of nice to not have to worry about pumping so much. I figure I will try and keep getting as much breast milk to her as I can, but having a super supportive husband and mother in law who both have let me know that it's absolutely ok if we have to switch to formula (so I could stop beating myself up about it). Sometimes you really do have to look out for yourself. I've had so much stress behind these 2 issues that I haven't seen a point in getting my post-pregnancy facial because my skin is still a mess. The stomach issues I developed in college have returned too. I refuse to feel this awful for too long though, so if we need to use formula, we will.

Breast milk is sooooo cheap though, lol.

*sigh*

The Three Week Old

So, we've been parents for 3 whole weeks now. And a few days (I tried to get this out before now, lol). Parenthood is.....interesting. I thought everything changed every day when I was pregnant....it did, but this is a whole new set of changes. It's not that she changes so much...we really don't know her personality yet and I'm always wondering about things about her, but literally, she will outgrow her newborn clothes overnight. Babies don't just gain steady weight, it comes in spurts (they tell you to weight them like once a week so you actually see the growth and wont trip when nothing happens for a few days). She was 5 lbs, 13 oz at birth, she went down to 5lbs, 7.5oz before we left the hospital (which is normal) and I weighed her yesterday (I think, I can't keep track of anything now) and she was 8 lbs!

A friend of mine from high school had her daughter a couple of weeks before us (our due dates were a day apart though) and I feel like I stole her sentiment of being in awe, but I REALLY AM! I have either a really good poem or a novel chapter brewing in my brain and I need to start writing it down. This little girl has completely changed everything about my existence. Most of the ways I've changed are good, but I can't deny I've had some of the "baby blues" as they call them. It's not quite postpartum depression (YET, at least) but some of the feelings of being overwhelmed are definitely there (I've never had anyone depend on me like this...even my cats can go a few days without me and not care). Breastfeeding has been the most opposite bag of failtastic wonderment ever too. I'll explain that in another post though.

I'm sitting here listening to Chloe grunt away and try to stretch while swaddled and try to wake back up to eat while watching some tv and thinking about what I'm going to try to make for dinner and whatever else I can get done before I'm restrained to the couch or bed for a while taking care of her. Life is so different now, lol. Here are some lists that explain some of the differences:

Top Ten Questions I Have About My Daughter, As She Develops:

1. What will her personality be like?
2. Will she take after us in a noticeable way or will it come out later in life, or will she just be herself?
3. Will she be right handed or left handed?
4. When will she get this dern head to stay up on her own? (It's not that it's particularly big or anything, she just has to work on it, lol)
5. Will she actually get big and strong enough to sit up or crawl or walk, or am I stuck in this vortex where she stays tiny and cute forever?
6. Did God invent a decibel that her cry hits and makes my heart break, even though I know she isn't in pain but hungry or wet or just wants us, or am I tripping? 
7. Will I actually be able to leave her with someone else?
8. Will I actually be able to leave her with someone else and NOT call them every half hour to check on her?
9. What does she dream about? She smiles in her dreams...
10. Am I doing this right?

Top Ten Things I NEVER Thought I'd Care About, But Do Now, Because I'm A Parent:

1. Another person's pee.
2. Another person's poop. (Literally number 1 and 2, clever, eh?)
3. Another person's spit.
4. Another person's gas.
5. Another person's rashes.
6. If another person had eaten enough, but on a serious level. I TOTALLY understand why a lot of parents/grandparents ask their kids/grandkids if they're eating (or moving their bowels)...for months it's the ONLY way you know your kid is healthy!
7. Where someone else's hands have been, but on another more serious level. I don't let people touch my face or hair for that reason but now? #GermaphobeToTheMax
8. That cloth can be wrapped up in about 8.34 bazillion ways...and then be placed on a person's butt. 
9. How cheap breast milk is, and no matter what I'm going through, I'm going to try my hardest to provide it.
10. Nothing about my hair. No matter what, you could always bet my head would be presentable. It is mildly that at the moment, because we went to the mall today, but yeah. I'm, understandably, a mess.